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Do you find that people don’t R.S.V.P. anymore or have their kids write thank you notes for gifts?
By fthomas | September 11, 2009
My kids go to countless Bday parties and I am always shocked when I get a thank you note anymore because it just seems so uncommon! I was raised that you ALWAYS write a thank you- if child was too young, the parent would write it. The not R.S.V.P.-ing thing really irks me. I’ve had people show up that I didn’t expect, and when I ask them why they didn’t call and let me know, they’ll say, “Oh, I didn’t know.”! Then there isn’t enough food, favors or whatever.
I gave a good friend’s daughter $50.00 for her high- school grad and never got a thank you note. I don’t give gifts to get a thank you- I just thought it was good manners to thank the person in writing. What do you think? I can’t wait to hear your answers as this has been bothering me for quite awhile- in case you couldn’t tell! Lol! Thanks!!
Topics: kids party favors |
September 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I totally agree! My man’s family doesn’t do them and think it’s wierd when I always send the cards but I send them anyway b/c its just what you do. I’m pregnant with my first child and I will teach them to write thank you’s.
September 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Next time, send the ones back home that didn’t have the good manners to RSVP “Sorry, you didn’t let me know you were coming, I don’t have a place for you.” would do it. Manners aren’t taught like they used to be. People are just too lazy.
September 15th, 2009 at 4:34 am
Within my friends and family, we do rsvp’s and thank you’s it is just common courtesy!
In fact, one time I forgot to send a thank you to my friend and she wrote me a note asking if I even got it (in the mail). She was probably a little embarassed to have to ask, but i am sure she didn’t want to look as if she never sent a gift. I would have spared her the discomfort if I had sent the thank you.
September 16th, 2009 at 6:40 am
I’ve been holding yearly Halloween parties and people that don’t R.S.V.P get removed from the guest list.
I spend a lot of time and money on these parties and can’t afford to pay for people that have no intention of showing up.
So rude, it drives me nuts.
September 17th, 2009 at 6:20 am
in my family we dont usually write thank u notes, but we give a hug/kiss and say thank u when getting gifts like on bdays or xmas.
September 19th, 2009 at 2:15 am
You are correct. It’s very odd. I even take for granted that my best friend sends me a thank you card for gifts I get my God-Daughter. But of course, there are people I do things for and don’t get a thank you verbally, which burns me up. Oh well.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I agree with you! I’m fed up of people not RSVPing. It’s rude and very inconsiderate, especuially if you need to know how many people to expect.
September 20th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
I absolutely agree. I actually just had a small birthday for my son who turned 6 and we had NO idea how many people were going to show up because no one rsvp’d me back. I actually had to begin calling the parents myself and asking what their plans were. For a while I was even scared no one was going to come because not one person called for the longest time.
As well I agree with you on the thank you’s. I make it a point to teach my children the polite things to do in life and when something nice is done for us we thank the person. We rarely get one in return and it can be hurtful because sometimes the acknowledgement is just as good as the gift you purchased for someone.
Parents, Adults, Caregivers… Manners are very important.. remember that.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:29 am
I completely agree with you. I was shocked that Y!A had an Etiquette section, because it seems like, more and more, etiquette is dead in our society.
So I just set the example by the way I act. I RSVP and write thank you cards by hand. My kids will do the same. Good manners are always in style…even if it seems like it’s the opposite.
I wish, though, sometimes that it wasn’t bad manners to call people on their bad behavior! I just want to call my sister and ask her why I don’t ever get a written thank you note from my nephew when he gets a gift from me. It’s so rude, in my opinion, but I can’t say anything, because that would make ME rude. Pooh
September 27th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I totally feel you on that….mostly with the r.s.v.p-ing…pet peeve of mine
September 30th, 2009 at 8:52 am
My rule of thumb is that if I don’t get a thank you the first time, I let it go, but make sure to ask the parent if their child got the gift or money. If it happens again, I stop giving presents. This teaches them a lesson.
October 3rd, 2009 at 4:15 am
well i too believe it is good manners, yet i have loosened up a little due to all the activities and school and extras kids have to do to make a resume appear worth glancing at in todays world. so if i am there i do expect them to tell me thank you, and if not a phone call or thank you card to let me know they recieved the gift. if i dont recieve one, i call to make sure they got the gift i sent and afterall that is what its about…making sure they got the gift that you intended them to have and that it didnt walk off with someone else. now as far as r.s.v.p. i simply write r.s.v.p. only on the bottom along with a post it that food and accessories gifts will not be purchases or given to anyone who doesnt rsvp. and mail that to the ones who have made a habit of crashing..the standard rsvp to everyone else and they will get the hint.
October 4th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I understand the virtue of thank you notes when you didn’t have an opportunity to thank the giver in person. We always have Christmas together as a family, and it annoys me when they expect thank you notes when they were there when I opened their gift and thanked them in person. I find it a bit tacky, personally, but that’s probably just me, lol. I do send thank you notes to people who sent a gift and didn’t get to see me open it. It confirms that I received it and shows that I appreciated it.
The RSVP thing is definitely annoying. You can’t confirm that the person got your invitation, and you have no way to plan for the event. Agreed.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I completely agree with you. I was raised to always say thank you and always made time to hand write a thank you card to friends and family on my birthday and the holidays (handmade too, not store bought). My boss once told me that she did not understand why thank you cards exist because you say thank you once the gift is given and that should be enough. Me, myself, I like the extra note, ESPECIALLY if it’s handwritten, because it means that that person actually thought about your gift and appreciated it. I suppose you could say that since we are in an age in where technological advances allow you to just send off an email, and text a thank you from a phone, a handwritten card is way too time consuming. My mother still sends me cards in the mail. Of course she is so computer illiterate, but she sits down, picks out a card and writes a good novel before she sends it to me. It’s a practice that is hardly done anymore.
In regards to the RSVP thing, if it doesn’t specifically say it on the card, most people will not RSVP. I can sympathize with you on the unexpected guests thing though..that bites!
But back to the thank you cards…I say if you have the time to write out a thank you, do it! =)
October 9th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
My sister in law, has never had my niece and nephew write thank you cards for any gifts I have ever given, or a quick phone call would be ok for me. So, the gravy train has gone off the tracks! Thank you for the question.
October 12th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Well, you can slot the whole cell phone thing right in here, too. Since everyone has a phone now, it would seem they have no reason not to at least phone you. They can fit that in between paying for groceries and making a slow left turn into traffic. I was raised in the South and my sister and I even received our monogrammed cards at Christmas so we never had any excuses NOT to write thank yous. What also amazes me are teens who still have to be reminded to say thank you by their parents. I take RSVPs very seriously, as I do a lot of dinner parties. I set the table and use china and silver (no paper or plastic) so if people show up without RSVP, they don’t sit at the table (there’s no room!). I am gracious, but the people get the message they have to call or write if they intend to join the rest of the company during dinner. It is very appalling overall.
October 12th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I’m with you 100%. I send birthday and christmas presents to my dad, step-mom, and their kids (8 and 6 years old). i’ve never gotten a thank you card OR EMAIL from any of them!!! This Christmas, I waited until February, then i sent an email and just said, “did you get the Christmas presents we sent this year?” My step mom replied and said “Yes we got them i thought l wrote you already!” No, you didn’t. And now its March 25th and i haven’t heard a word about your birthday present, or the birthday presents i bought for your 2 kids this month, either. lol.
They live out of state, so sometimes i genuinely wonder if they even received them!
October 14th, 2009 at 1:20 am
I totally agree when it comes to RSVPing. The way I feel, that person needs to know if I’m coming or not and it’s only respectful of me to give them that information!
As for Thank You cards for kids’ birthdays, I honestly have to admit that I’d never heard of that before I came to this site. I guess it’s because I’m from the South or something. Around here we usually only send out Thank You’s for graduations, weddings, baby showers, funerals, and more formal occasions. We just make sure the kid goes around to everyone and thanks them personally with a big hug, LOL! Yes, teaching children these things is a great thing to do, but it’s just not necessary around here.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Yes, I have noticed this lack of etiquette too and am quite dismayed by it. I figure the best way for me to handle it is to set a good example by simply making sure that I always RSVP as requested and write thank you notes for pretty much everything! I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would insist they write TY notes, just like my mother instilled the importance of that in me years ago.